Things to Keep in Mind When Helping Children Through a Loss

It is normal for children to experience a wide variety of different emotions when grieving, and it’s important validate all of their feelings and provide appropriate outlets for different emotions.

Let them know that it is okay to feel sad, angry, confused, scared, etc. It’s okay to feel however they are feeling! It is okay to be happy at times and experience joy, even after someone they love has died.

• Children often grieve in short phases and may go from laughing to crying quickly and vice versa or be ready to go back to playing without showing much emotion. This is a normal reaction as children have short grief spans and cannot handle so much emotion all at one time.
• It is okay for children to see you cry and express the sadness, fear or anger you are feeling while grieving. When children observe adults grieving appropriately, it encourages them to express their own emotions in a healthy way as well. They take comfort in knowing that they are not alone in how they feel. Encourage them to be open with their feelings and reassure them that their emotion does not make the adults around them feel worse.
• Regression is normal. Children that have already met certain milestones may revert back to earlier behaviors (i.e. bed wetting, thumb sucking, acting like a baby, fear of being alone, etc.)
• Don’t forget to contact the child’s school and the pediatrician’s office to let them know to be sensitive of their needs through their grief journey.

When to seek further help for yourself or your child

Just like adults, some children may need additional help from a professional if they may be experiencing complicated grief or clinical depression. It is important to be compassionate in these situations and explain to them that there are people to help with grief pain, the same way that there are medical professionals to help with physical pain. 

If you or your child experience these symptoms, seek help from your primary care provider, a counselor or psychologist.

• Persistent expressions of anger.
• Withdrawal from friends or family.
• Persistent expressions of guilt.
• Personality changes.
• Persistent loss of sleep or appetite.
• Risky behaviors such as drugs or alcohol.
• Suicidal thoughts and/or actions.

Some of these feelings and behaviors are a normal part of grief initially but should lessen with time and support.